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The Borgia Mom Post

My fiance compared me to a Borgia this past weekend when I mentioned how cool it would be if a son of ours ever became Pope. We tease each other a lot, so he started giving me a hard time. I then proceeded to tell him we should move to Switzerland so that our son could be a Swiss Guard before becoming Pope. And he made fun of me, saying I was like a Borgia, getting all my sons to be cardinals in different areas of the world so that I could take it over completely. He pretty much envisioned my taking over through alliances, plots, and all kinds of political intrigue. Naturally, the conversation got pretty silly...and I have had the urge to write a satirical blog post ever since. Without further ado, here it Borgia mom post....enjoy.

It all started when I told him that we should move to Switzerland. He asked why...and I soon found myself unveiling a secret that I have kept well-hidden for some time...a secret that made me feel like a Catholic mad woman...that is until I realized that there are other women out there have the same aspirations. Though I am glad that I am not the only one out there who feels this way...I realize that I now have competition. If you haven't followed the link, I know what you're asking yourself right now..."Competition for what?" goes...
*(please see disclaimer below before you continue reading)
For some time now, I have had a secret desire that at least one of my sons becomes a priest. My ideal number would be three priests named Mikhail, Gabriel, and Raphael after the archangels....but I will settle for just one priest if that is all I get.** But it doesn't end there. Before any of my young men end up in the seminary...we have to move to Switzerland. My badass Catholic sons must undergo the training necessary to be personal guardians to the members of the illustrious Swiss Guard. You see, I made the mistake of following the Swiss Guard on Facebook and now find myself admiring these young men in uniforms and wishing that I could one day have the honor of saying "You see that guy there by the popemobile...the one prepared to take a bullet for the Pope? Well, that's my son. And yes, he does look rather awesome in that uniform."

But my aspirations don't end there...because, as I have mentioned before, I want at least one priest in the family. My family has a bit of a curse in this department. My grandfather, my dad, my godfather, and countless others have at some point aspired to be priests. Some had even made it as far as seminary. Some were told to go home, some fell in love, and others just realized that religious life wasn't for them. Does this curse dissuade me at all? Nope. It simply serves to make a better story of it all once I have a priest in the family. Naturally, if my Swiss Guard son spends so much time defending his beloved Papa, he will be drawn to our Pope's holiness, especially if Pope Francis is blessed with at least 20 more years (assuming, of course, that I get pregnant right after marriage). It can only be assumed, therefore, that this growing love and admiration of holiness will make him realize that he is being called for priestly vocation. He will valiantly retire from his beloved Swiss Guard post and give up his Medici blue, red, and yellows for the priestly black cassock. If I truly luck out, I will also have a few daughters in a cloistered order...but this is another blog post entirely
With the Fiance's good looks and my brains, our son (or sons) may very well become the next Gorgeous Georg/Saint Gregory the Great. I will, however, be more than happy if my son becomes a cardinal...or a bishop...maybe even a long as they become a Doctor of the Church like St. Thomas of Aquinas.
How's that for high expectations!?! Muahahaha!!!

Pax Vobiscum

* Ultimately, I will never pressure a kid into priesthood or religious life if it isn't their calling. There are few things worse than the type of priest/religious that was forced into religious life. It diminishes the significance of a genuine call to religious life. In truth, I will support my children in whatever it is that they decide to do as long as it doesn't endanger their prostitution, LCWR, drug-dealing, and related professions are out of the question...PERIOD.

** I may have to make some compromises here at some point because the fiance doesn't really like the name of Mikhail...or Raphael for that matter.

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